


Still

by justyrae



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Flashbacks, Luke cries a lot, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:09:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27694636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justyrae/pseuds/justyrae
Summary: It's the biggest night of their young lives and Alex keeps getting distracted.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 29
Kudos: 173





	Still

**Author's Note:**

> happy first fic in a new fandom!
> 
> for the purposes of this fic, willie does not exist and therefore the whole mess with caleb and the hollywood ghost club also does not exist. also julie is only mentioned briefly and does not make an appearance, sorry!

**1995**

It's the biggest night of their young lives and Alex keeps getting distracted. He's thankful that playing Now or Never is practically second nature to him now so he doesn't have to worry about screwing up during soundcheck, but he still knows he shouldn't be letting his eyes wander. Eventually one of his bandmates is going to turn around and catch him staring at Reggie.

And… that's a whole conversation that he _really_ doesn't want to have. At least, not with Luke or Bobby.

He's been agonizing over his feelings for weeks, ever since he actually came to the realization that the weird feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever he looks at Reggie isn't something he's ever felt before. It's definitely not indigestion, but _god_ sometimes he really wishes it was.

Alex's anxiety was bad enough before he came out to the rest of the band, but it's only gotten worse since his brain decided to rewire itself and put Reggie into a different category from the others. They were all chill about him being gay… but this is bigger than that. This could screw up the band.

It's just not his _fault_. He didn't mean to get a crush on Reggie. If it were really up to him, Alex wouldn't have a crush on any of his bandmates. It's just an unnecessary complication that's really been screwing up his life - even though nobody's really noticed.

His eyes wander back over towards Reggie without his realizing it, but this time he cuts himself a little slack and stares for a while. The others are all so wrapped up in the performance, like he _should_ be, that they don't have a second to spare to look back at Alex.

He watches as Reggie goes over to share Luke's mic, trying in vain to tamp down the flare of jealousy in his chest. It's stupid and ridiculous and honestly it's the worst part of this crush. Alex vaguely wonders if it's like this for the others when they have a crush on a girl, or if their attention spans don't actually let it get that far.

Alex shuts his eyes for a moment and forces himself to concentrate. If he's not careful he'll miss his verse and Luke might actually murder him.

His concentration only lasts until the last few seconds of the song, when all three of his bandmates turn to his drumset and Alex once again finds himself focusing solely on Reggie.

_God, this is really going to be a problem._

At least if the guys notice him being a little weird he can brush it off as nerves about their show. It'll be fine eventually. He just has to get through the next… however long it'll take for his crush on Reggie to disappear.

He climbs down off the riser and joins the others on the front of the stage, eager to share in the excitement over their killer soundcheck. He grins at Luke's enthusiasm about their chances with record execs and is about to comment on it when Reggie grabs his attention.

"Alex, you were _smoking_!"

"Oh, no," Alex replies quickly, hoping that he's not blushing so badly that it's noticeable, "I was just warming up. You guys were the ones on fire."

"Could you just own your awesomeness for once?"

 _Act normal, be normal, this is entirely normal Reggie behavior_.

Alex manages to not completely melt into a puddle like he's suddenly turned into Alex Mack, but it's a close shave. Unfortunately, this is the moment that his brain comes up with an idea that just won't go away: he should tell Reggie how he feels.

Not right now, of course, because then it would be in front of Luke and Bobby and the … other random people all around them inside the Orpheum, but sometime tonight. Probably after their set would be the best idea, just in case it doesn't go well.

But Alex doesn't want to think about that consequence. In his mind he's painting a picture of him telling Reggie and Reggie somehow feeling the same way and then … well, who knows. It's probably stupid to only think about the best case scenario, but with the high of a perfect soundcheck and the idea of delicious street dogs in his near future, Alex's usually ever-present anxiety seems to have melted away.

Maybe this is a sign that everything's going to work out for them. That their gig at the Orpheum is the first big step in a huge career and everything after tonight is going to be absolutely perfect. Alex might as well take advantage of a feeling like that, right?

So… yeah. Tonight's the night. It's, for lack of a better term, now or never.

**2020**

So… things didn't exactly go as planned, it turns out.

"I gotta go clear my head," Alex says. He's reached his breaking point and he has to get away, if only for an hour or so. Considering they've spent the last 25 years together, he thinks a little separation might actually do them some good.

A feeling of relief washes over him as he suddenly appears on Hollywood Boulevard, which quickly turns to guilt and even more anxiety. He hates that he had to ditch his best friends just to get a little peace and quiet, to calm himself down enough that he stops feeling like he's about to have a heart attack.

Which… actually can't happen, now that he's got a moment alone to think about it. Ghosts can't die again, as far as he knows. Alex is pretty sure he doesn't even need to breathe anymore so why has he spent the last hour feeling like his lungs were about to close up?

Regardless, Alex takes a deep breath and starts meandering down the sidewalk, staring down at his feet more often than looking up at the world around him. If he can focus on something he can control, like his own two feet, then maybe that will help him get a handle on everything else.

His anxiety always seemed to sneak up on him from out of nowhere, but if Alex stops and thinks about it long enough he can trace it back and realize he's done this to himself. He spread himself too thin by trying to take care of his friends instead of trying to cope with his own feelings.

Seeing what became of Reggie's parents' house really knocked everything into perspective in a way Alex hadn't seen coming. In the moment he was able to ignore his thoughts about his own parents because he had someone else to think about and take care of. Even before he'd come to terms with his feelings for Reggie he'd always put both Reggie and Luke's feelings before his own… which, when Alex thinks about it, is probably why he's so anxious all the time.

But now that he's alone and can take some time to think about his own feelings, all those walls he spent so long building up come crashing right down.

On the one hand, it feels like 1995 was only yesterday. In a lot of ways, it practically was. Things were finally coming together for the three of them - _four_ , he corrects himself, _counting Bobby_ \- and Alex had finally come out to not only the guys but his parents as well.

It shouldn't be surprising that the memory of their reaction still stings, even if it was _technically_ over 25 years ago. Alex never had the chance to try and reconcile with his parents, even if he hadn't really planned on it. Deep down, a part of him sort of hoped that they'd come around on their own.

 _I guess now I'll never know_ , he thinks sadly to himself.

He pushes those feelings down, locking them up inside himself and hoping they'll never see the light of day again. If this new ghost existence is a second chance, he's not going to waste it on his homophobic parents.

 _Think positive_ , Alex tells himself. _This is a second chance; not just for you, but for the others. For the band._

Luke's one-track mind was always something of a marvel, and Alex is mostly positive that if anyone can convince Julie to join the band, it'll be him.

But the band's future wasn't the only plan in his mind on that fateful night. And even though he'd sort of forgotten it over the last couple days, it suddenly comes crashing back in a big way. He was going to tell Reggie how he felt. He'd had his heart set on it. But after everything that's happened, did he still feel that way?

 _Maybe it's not a good idea_ , he thinks to himself as he passes through a group of tourists. He shivers as he rematerializes, glancing back over his shoulder as they continue on as though nothing happened. Alex shakes his head and continues down the sidewalk, trying to gather his thoughts. _After all, you did die the same night you decided to tell him. Maybe the universe is trying to tell you something?_

Alex pauses mid-step and groans. Even if it's not a sign from the universe, it's still a glaring fact that he can't ignore. Maybe he _should_ rethink this whole thing. Before, if Reggie didn't like him back then they'd probably just deal with the awkwardness for a while but it'd be okay eventually. Probably.

Now… they've got eternity to deal with. The last thing Alex wants is an eternity of awkwardness.

"So that's it," Alex says aloud with a heavy sigh. He pauses for a moment, pressing his hand against his chest. He feels a heartbeat, and he suddenly feels weird all over. He's _really_ gotta stop thinking too hard about his whole ghost body thing.

He shakes his head again as he starts walking a little faster, continuing to talk to himself out loud. It's not like anybody else can hear him, anyway.

"I'm not going to tell him. I can live with this. It'll go away, eventually." Alex gulps. "Right?"

He glances upward for a moment and then immediately feels stupid about it. Even in the afterlife he still can't figure out if he actually believes in a higher power.

"No, no, it'll be fine." Alex keeps shaking his head, almost like he's trying to shake every shred of anxiety out of his mind. "This is for the best. Besides, he probably doesn't even see me like that anyway."

It’s a sobering thought, and it leads to another one that Alex had always previously managed to ignore.

“He’s probably not gay,” Alex mumbles, hating the way he’s ruined his own day just by saying the words out loud.

He’s always known how much Reggie likes girls. It was hard to get away from when the subject of girls seemed to be all the other guys ever wanted to talk about. It had gotten _slightly_ better once Alex came out, but he suspected they probably still talked about girls just as often when Alex wasn’t around.

For all he knows, that’s exactly what they’re talking about right now.

And now comes the downward spiral. Before, Alex had always tried to stay on the positive side of his dumb crush on Reggie. Thinking about what it would be like if Reggie liked him back, if they'd try not to show affection in front of Luke or if he wouldn't care if they did. He'd always really liked the fantasies that existed inside his head, like a safe place he could always count on.

Now he's faced with the reality of it all, which includes how he's been treated by his best friends over the last few days.

He's always been the anxious one, and that was never as much of an issue as it feels right now. Luke's hardheadedness and Reggie's easygoing attitude were fine before but now they fill Alex with the desire to throttle them both. He's spent their whole lives - and now into their _afterlives_ \- taking care of the two of them and they can't spare a single thought to his feelings?

"Maybe I won't go back just yet," Alex mumbles to himself. "They can survive without me for a few hours." He scuffs his shoe against the pavement a little harder than necessary and sighs. "Probably won't even miss me."

**1995**

The night that Alex realizes he has feelings for Reggie is absolutely not the sort of night he would've imagined for a realization like that. The day starts out like any other; with school where the three of them goof off for the majority of their classes, and then they split up for a little while to go to their respective homes before regrouping at the garage for band practice.

Alex is usually the first to arrive, usually second only to Luke, so it's not _that_ weird when he gets to the garage and finds it empty. He sits down at his drums and starts warming up, tapping his way through the second half of Now or Never until Bobby comes through the door with Reggie tailing behind him.

"Luke not with you?" Alex asks as he stands up, looking at the door for signs of their missing bandmate.

"He's not here yet?" Reggie replies as he looks over his shoulder. "I thought he said he was going to get here early."

"I haven't seen him," Alex says.

"He'll be here," Bobby says as he sets his guitar case down and starts opening it. "He never misses practice."

Five minutes go by, then ten, then it's almost been half an hour since Reggie and Bobby showed up and there's still no sign of Luke. Alex is definitely worried by now, and the tension in the room is growing.

"Should we call his house?" Reggie suggests.

"Not it," Bobby says quickly. "I don't want to get yelled at by his mom again."

"He's probably on his way," Alex says, though he doesn't really believe in his own words. "Maybe he just got held up at home or something."

"Yeah," Reggie agrees, "maybe he just had things to do. I don't know what, but maybe something."

Alex rolls his eyes. The three of them all keep a close eye on the door, waiting for any sign of Luke, but as more time passes Alex's anxiety grows worse and worse.

By the time Luke finally shows up, it's well over an hour past when practice was supposed to start and the others are equal parts relieved to see him and annoyed at him being so late. However, any complaints about his tardiness immediately disappear from their minds when they see the look on Luke's face.

He's clearly distraught, with red eyes and a flush in his face that comes after excessive crying. Alex immediately gets up from his drumkit and rushes over to his side.

"Dude, what happened?"

"Nothing," Luke says as he sniffs loudly. He pulls the strap of his bag off of his shoulder and wipes at his face with the back of his hand, avoiding making eye contact with any of them.

"Nothing? What do you mean, nothing? What--"

"I said it's nothing! Let's just practice," Luke says as he pushes past Alex, shoulder-checking him as he goes by.

Alex looks at Reggie, whose eyes dart back and forth between the two of them with a look of utter confusion. Alex then looks at Bobby, who shakes his head and gives him a slight shrug.

With a heavy sigh, Alex returns to his drumkit while keeping an eye on Luke the whole time. Luke doesn't look up once.

It's probably the worst they've _ever_ sounded, and that's including back when they first started the band and none of them really knew what the hell they were doing. Luke's bad mood is bleeding through to his singing and his voice keeps cracking, which causes him to mess up his playing, and that causes the others to mess up too.

They struggle through their normal set, and by the end of it Luke looks even more upset than he did when he came in. There's an awkward silence that follows the end of their last song, and Bobby's the first to speak.

"I'm… uhh… I gotta go."

He starts packing up his guitar and Alex stifles a groan. He hates confrontation as much as the next guy, but at least he isn't looking for the quick way out. Something's clearly wrong with Luke and he's not going anywhere until they figure it out.

As soon as the door to the garage closes behind Bobby, Alex rounds on Luke.

"What happened?" he asks again.

"I told you, nothing."

"Dude," Reggie says gently. "Something obviously--"

"I don't wanna talk about it!" Luke shouts. He whips his guitar strap over his head and slams his guitar down into the stand with far more force than he's ever used before.

"We're just trying to help," Alex says. "You were an hour late, and we were worried--"

"Well, I won't be late anymore, okay?!" Luke shouts. "I'll just stay here all the time and then I'll never be late to band practice again!"

Reggie snorts. "Stay here? Why would you stay here when you could just go home?"

Luke doesn't answer. He stares resolutely at the floor and suddenly it clicks in Alex's mind.

"Luke, did you have another fight with your mom?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," he says again, but this time his voice is softer and thick like he's holding back from crying.

"Luke," Alex repeats. "I--"

"I'm not going back," Luke says firmly, finally looking at both Alex and Reggie. "Nothing you guys can say will make me go back, okay?"

"O-Okay," Reggie says after sharing a look with Alex.

"Okay?" Luke repeats, staring at Alex.

"Okay," Alex replies with a resigned sigh. "Let's, umm, go get a pizza, or something."

"Yeah, good idea." Reggie stands up, gently setting his bass down as the two of them wait for Luke to make a move.

"Okay," Luke mumbles.

It takes several hours, and many pieces of pizza, but Alex and Reggie manage to get the story out of Luke. They'd known his parents weren't exactly on board with their band and how much time and effort Luke was putting into it over school, but they never expected it to go this far. Luke was talking about dropping out entirely, and it sounded like he wanted them to do the same.

"How about you just, like, sleep on it?" Alex says as he opens the garage door. "Take a day or two to cool off, you know?"

"I'm not going back," Luke says.

"I think Alex has a point," Reggie says, flinching a little when Luke looks at him. "I'm just saying - maybe you should think about it??"

"I'm still going to think the same thing in two days," Luke grumbles as he heads straight for the couch and stretches out on it. "And then you guys will agree with me and the band will be great and--" he pauses to yawn loudly, "--everything will be great. That'll show them."

Alex and Reggie look at each other for a moment before they step inside the garage. Reggie walks over to the couch and pulls the blanket off the back of it, laying it over Luke as his eyes close. He's asleep within seconds, exhausted from the mental anguish of the day.

Reggie spends a few minutes carefully tucking Luke in with the blanket and Alex just watches, his mind racing with worry. Part of him wonders if he should try and go talk to Luke's mom, to see if he can maybe try and fix whatever argument they had that caused all of this. But, on the other hand, he knows that Luke would probably see that as a betrayal and that could just make everything worse. At least now he's safe and sound, and they can look after him.

"Do you think he's going to be okay?" Reggie asks a few minutes later, after he's finished fussing with Luke's blanket.

"I don't know," Alex answers honestly.

"We'll take care of him, right?" Reggie asks, turning to look at Alex. "You and me?"

Alex turns to say something, but the earnest look on Reggie's face suddenly fills Alex's chest with the sort of feeling that can only be described as warm fuzzies, which is absolutely not what Alex is used to feeling when he looks at Reggie. He completely freezes as he stares at Reggie, who just keeps looking at him.

It's in that moment that Alex realizes something. This isn't normal gratitude or whatever towards a good friend, this is something else. Something more. Whatever he's feeling towards Reggie right now, he's definitely never felt it before.

"Yeah," he eventually answers, his voice a little higher than normal. "You and me."

Reggie smiles widely, and Alex is immediately overwhelmed with that feeling again. He's so screwed.

**2020**

It's not like Alex was expecting a welcome back party when he returns to the garage, but finding Luke and Reggie messing around with their guitars feels a little anticlimactic. He feels like he just went on this wild journey through his own mind and they're just… doing what they always do. Maybe he should relish in the comfort of their routine, but he can't just yet. Too much has changed, at least for him.

As far as Luke and Reggie are concerned, very little has changed. They don't notice any change in Alex's behavior, and sometimes even to Alex it feels like everything is exactly the same. The biggest thing he has to stay aware of is how often he accidentally ends up staring at Reggie for too long to be considered a friendly look.

He hasn't been caught yet, other than by himself, but it still happens more often than he'd like to admit. If there's one thing he's thankful for, it's Reggie's total obliviousness. Even if he _did_ catch Alex staring, his first conclusion would probably be that he has something on his face. As long as Alex can ride out this crush without anyone else finding out, they might just make it through eternity.

That is, until Luke starts disappearing more often. It's not like they don't know where he's going, but it remains an unspoken rule that they don't follow Luke when he goes to his parents' house. The first few times it happened, Alex made a point to check in with Reggie and make sure that he's not feeling something similar to what Luke's putting himself through.

Fighting or not, Reggie still had a better relationship with his parents than Alex did. Ever since they found a bike shop where Reggie's house used to be, Alex feels responsible for trying to keep up the morale of both of his bandmates. Luke is a lot harder to help, which means Alex is left with only one option: Reggie.

It's worse when Luke's birthday rolls around because he becomes even more closed off, choosing to disappear from the garage more and more often and leaving Alex alone with Reggie. The day takes its toll on all of them, and Alex finds himself feeling a little more needy than usual.

Reggie's already on the couch when Alex plops down next to him, sinking further down and pressing his head against Reggie's shoulder. On a normal day he probably wouldn't be this close or show this much affection, but when Reggie adjusts and leans back into Alex, he relaxes a little more. They both need this right now.

"I miss my dad," Reggie says softly, after a long stretch of silence. Alex swallows and waits a moment before he replies.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Reggie sighs. "I mean, I miss my mom too, but I think I miss my dad more." He goes quiet again for a minute and Alex tries to think of something to say in return. "Sorry," Reggie mumbles before Alex can come up with anything.

"Hmm?"

"Sorry," he repeats, "I know it's…" he pauses for a moment, "or, well, I don't know exactly, but I know your parents weren't really…"

"Yeah," Alex interrupts, preferring not to go down that road. "They weren't."

Reggie sighs and reaches for Alex's hand, tangling their fingers together as he squeezes. Alex swallows hard and squeezes back, grateful for the affection even if it's making his heart beat wildly.

"Is it weird that I miss Bobby?" Reggie says, a few seconds after. Alex snickers softly; he should've known that Reggie would change the subject quickly.

"Kinda. But I think I get it."

"It's just weird. He's _old_ now." Reggie huffs. "Trevor, Bobby, whatever. Jerk."

"Who else do you miss?" Alex asks, tilting his head back so he can look at Reggie a little better. Reggie thinks it over for a minute or two, clicking his tongue and looking down at their joined hands as he does.

"I don't think there's anybody else to miss."

Alex snorts. "C'mon."

"What?"

"Reg. C'mon."

"What??" Reggie shifts, turning his torso to face Alex properly and causing him to almost faceplant into the sofa cushion. He doesn't let go of Alex's hand, not even when Alex pulls his arm back as he sits back up straight.

"How can you say there's _no one else_ you miss?" Alex shakes his head and tugs on Reggie's arm. "You were dating like, four girls."

"No, I wasn't."

Alex gives him a flat look and huffs. "Reginald."

"I wasn't!"

"You weren't dating Jenny?"

"No!"

"What about Ashley?"

"No," Reggie repeats, his voice getting more adamant.

"But what about Lisa?"

"N-- how do you remember all of them?"

"You don't?" Alex laughs. "Jeez, Reg, nice going."

"No, that's not--" Reggie groans. "That's not what I meant."

Alex carefully pulls his hand away from Reggie's and folds his fingers together, resting them on his stomach as he watches Reggie's face carefully.

"So what did you mean?"

"I just… they weren't…" Reggie looks at Alex and then down at his hand, shaking his head as he shifts around so he's not facing Alex anymore. "It wasn't like that."

"You're kidding," Alex says. He doesn't know why he's pressing this so hard. It's not like he _wants_ to hear about all the girls Reggie was hooking up with back then, but it's just so weird for Reggie to be this reluctant to talk about girls. Usually he won't shut up about them. "That can't be right."

"No, it's just…"

"Just what?"

"I don't know," Reggie sighs heavily.

"You obviously do, you're being weird."

"No, I just--"

"What?"

"I don't know!" Reggie says again, a little louder this time. He looks at Alex for a moment and then turns away, hanging his head a little. "I dunno," he says, softer now. "Anyone worth missing is here with me anyway."

Alex freezes. The words echo in his head and he feels his heart start to pick up its pace again. They'd absolutely been talking about _romantic_ relationships, not just friendships. Maybe it was just a slip, or Reggie didn't mean it like it sounded, but Alex had to know.

"What?" he asks, his voice coming out at a much higher octave than he would've liked.

"Nothing," Reggie quickly replies, but his answer is betrayed by the flush that's quickly spreading across his cheeks.

"Reg--"

Before Alex can even finish saying his name, Reggie poofs out of the garage. Alex stares at the empty space for a moment, hardly believing that Reggie would just run away like that, before he follows.

He finds Reggie in the house; sitting at the kitchen table with Julie's dad as he types away on his computer, totally oblivious to the two ghosts in the room with him. Hardly ten seconds pass between Alex poofing into the room and Reggie spotting him and immediately poofing away again.

Alex groans angrily, reaching out to knock a plastic cup off the nearby counter. Ray's attention is immediately drawn to it, staring at it in confusion before glancing around the room.

"Sorry," Alex mutters before he poofs away again.

This time he ends up on the beach in Santa Monica, just a few feet away from Reggie. But before Reggie can get away again, Alex takes matters into his own hands.

"Will you stop running away from me, you dick?!" he shouts. Reggie, who was absolutely about to run away again, drops his arms to his sides and promptly sinks down onto the sand. Alex takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly as he crosses the small space between them and sits down next to Reggie.

They sit in silence for a while, both staring at the horizon in front of them instead of looking at each other directly. Alex is fuming but he can't decide what to confront Reggie about first. He's never run away from him before, but then again they've really never had any sort of real argument about anything before. He doesn't even know if this really qualifies as an argument because all he wants to know is what Reggie meant when he said that and Reggie's just being a jerk by running away.

"Why did you do that?" he finally blurts out, turning his head to look at Reggie, waiting for his reaction. "Why'd you just leave?"

"I don't know," Reggie mumbles.

"Don't--" Alex groans, "don't say that again, you know why you did it."

"I didn't mean anything by it, it doesn't matter."

"Clearly it does, or you wouldn't have run away."

"I didn't run away!"

"Are you serious?" Alex gestures wildly around them. "What does this look like to you?"

"A nice sunset on the beach?" Reggie replies, clearly still trying to get out of explaining himself.

"Wow. You're really…" Alex shakes his head and turns away. "Okay."

"What?"

"Nothing," he snaps. "If you're not going to be honest, then I'm not talking to you."

"Fine."

"Fine."

Reggie starts playing with the sand, drawing lines with his fingers as they both stay quiet. Alex sits there and stews in his own thoughts, running through a dozen or more possibilities for what Reggie could've actually meant. Maybe he wasn't actually as oblivious as Alex thought he was and he _totally_ knew how Alex felt and this was his way of trying to let him down easy? Or maybe he and Luke have known all along and they've been making fun of him behind his back this whole time.

The minutes pass as Alex whips himself into a silent frenzy, finally coming to the point of no return.

"You don't have to say that if you don't mean it," he says, talking quickly enough that his words sort of run together as he stares firmly ahead.

"What?"

"The thing about anyone worth missing. You don't have to try and make me feel better."

"I… what??"

"I know it's dumb, okay?" Alex turns to look at Reggie, continuing on this tangent despite the look of utter bewilderment on Reggie's face, "but like, we've spent _so_ much time together that it was bound to happen, okay, and like, it could've been Luke or Bobby! And… and you doing this isn't woke, bro."

"I literally have no idea what you're talking about!" Reggie sputters. "And I don't know what woke means, but I don't think that applies here!"

"How do you know it doesn't when you don't even know what it means??"

"I don't know, but do you?!"

"No, I don't, it's just something Flynn says and--" Alex groans, "that doesn't even matter! That's not what we're talking about!" Alex shouts.

"Okay! Stop yelling at me!" Reggie shouts back.

"Only if you tell me what the hell is going on!!"

"I don't know!!" Reggie starts rambling. "I don't know what's going on, okay, I feel like I don't know anything anymore! Like, we died but now we're ghosts and playing music again and that's great but also like we're still dead?? And I guess I'm happy about it because one, I'm glad to not just be, like, dead or whatever, and two, I get to spend eternity with my best friends and like I feel really lucky about that but everything is just so weird and different and I just--"

"Okay, but--" Alex interrupts, "but you said it like…" He gives Reggie a pointed look and Reggie's eyes go wide.

"No, no I didn't," he shakes his head and avoids looking Alex in the eyes, "that's not what I meant, I didn't--"

"No! You said it like you have a thing for me or like, maybe Luke and dude, not cool! You know how I feel about--"

Alex's brain catches up with his mouth just in time, but the damage is already done. Reggie stares him down as Alex's cheeks turn bright red. In that moment he understands why Reggie ran away like he did, but he's determined not to make the same mistake. Even though he's feeling more embarrassed then he ever did while he was alive, Alex is going to stay right here.

"What did you just say?"

"I didn't--"

"No, what did you say?" Reggie starts pawing at Alex's arm, being a hundred times more persistent than Alex was when he was asking the same question.

"No, okay," Alex pulls his arm away, "you don't get to make fun of me because it was a long time ago and…" he sighs, "okay, maybe it doesn't feel like it was but it _was_ and I don't know how I feel now and I wasn't even going to say anything--"

"Wait," Reggie says softly as he puts the pieces of the puzzle together in his mind. Alex goes quiet and waits for the lightbulb to appear over his head. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Alex deflates. There's a heartbreaking look of hurt in Reggie's eyes and it makes Alex want to dig a hole in the sand and cover himself up to get away from it.

"We tell each other everything," Reggie continues, "you could've told me, why didn't you?"

"I was going to," Alex admits, "I was going to tell you that night at the Orpheum, after the show. But then… and now… we're ghosts. We've got eternity together, or something, and like… Luke would kill me if I broke up the band and then I'd lose both of you and I just can't do that, okay??"

"Wait, wait… why would the band break up?"

"Because I--" Alex bites his lip, steeling himself as he finally says the words out loud, "because I like you, okay? And you don't like me back."

"Who says?"

Alex pauses for a second. "...you?"

"When?"

"Uhh…" Alex looks around, feeling like he's being pranked somehow. "I mean, you didn't _say_ it, but like…"

"What?"

"You like girls."

"So?"

"So, you like girls."

"I can't like both? Why can't I like both? I can like who I like, right? Why can't I just like who I like??"

"Okay! Yeah, I mean, sure! You can like whoever you want, but does that really matter right now??"

"Uhh, yeah I think it does because it means I can like you!"

"But you don't?"

"I never said that!"

"Okay!"

"Okay!"

They go silent again and Alex is supremely confused. "So…"

"So," Reggie echoes. "I like you."

Alex feels himself start to blush again and he bites his lip.

"I think I liked you back then, too. I just don't think I really knew what that meant and I didn't want to hurt you or anything because like, you'd been through so much already and I would've hated myself forever if I hurt you because you're one of my best friends in the entire world, and I'd never be able to live with myself if you hated me." Reggie pauses for a moment and then chuckles softly and shrugs. "But like, we're dead now, so who cares, right?"

Alex bursts into laughter and Reggie joins in, the pair of them laughing hysterically. They eventually end up lying on their backs on the sand, turning their heads towards each other as the last of their laughter fades into a far easier silence.

"So…" Alex says.

"So… you like me?" Reggie asks, smiling smugly.

"Yeah," Alex says as he reaches out and tangles their fingers together. "You like me?"

"Yeah," Reggie replies as he leans over and presses his mouth to Alex's in a kiss.

It's timid at first, but after a second or two they both relax into it and Alex is pretty sure it's the best kiss he's ever had.

Reggie pulls away first, but he hardly moves away. He presses his forehead against Alex's and laughs softly.

"We definitely should've been doing that a lot earlier," he says.

"Yeah," Alex replies, tilting his head up to start kissing Reggie again.

"But--" Reggie says, pulling away for a moment, "if this messes up the band, I'm totally blaming you."

"Shut up," Alex says, laughing into Reggie's mouth as he kisses him again.

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://astorytotellyourfriends.tumblr.com)


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